Regan: “Goneril I love Edmund! If you let me have him I’ll give you my new Kylie Jenner special edition Birthday eyeshadow palette.
[Aside] shoot why did I say that that is my favourite one!
Goneril: As if Regan, just because you need makeup to get guy’s attention doesn’t mean I need it too. Face it, Regan you’re ugly.
[Enters Edmund]
Goneril: Omg there’s Edmund look at his hot face of his. Wow. Look at the way his jaw is so perfectly chiseled, sculpted like a true step son of a King!
Regan: There’s my prince charming now, the way he’s looking at me I can tell he wants me, not just for my power but my luscious lashes.
Edmund: [Aside] Oh crap, how will I choose between power hungry Goneril, or air head Regan?
Regan: He’s directed right for me Goneril look, look!
Goneril: In your dreams tubby, he’s smiling right at me.
[Aside] Edmund: Here we go. Just act cool Edmund, don’t screw this up. You have two beautiful ladies trying to get with you, if you end with zero you’ll look pathetic. Say something interesting, say something powerful!
Goneril, Regan: All we heard from his mouth was a weird squeak… Weird, but adorable nothing can break the love we both have for him.
Regan: Hiiii, Edmund. (Flirtatiously) He only waved back at me… but in a I want you but I don’t wanna show it in front of your sister kinda way.
[Aside] Ok you wanna play it that way little sister!
Goneril: Hey Edmund, your arms look extra strong today. Do you work out or something?
(Regan aggressively body checked into a pile of dirt!)
She knows how much I hate the outdoors! How could my own sister, my own blood do something so horrible to me!
[Aside]
Edmund: What the hell is going on here? Did I get them both? Did I lose them both? I’m kind of scared, what have I gotten myself into? Should I seem manlier? Should my voice be deeper? How about my arms, are they really as big as they said they are? I’m perplexed, why does the world hate me so much! Curse you world, how could you do this me!(pacing back and forth)
Goneril: What the hell is he doing?
Regan: He looks like he’s having some type of stream of… stream of…
Goneril: Stream of consciousness you idiot.
Regan: Hahaha ya that!
Goneril: K, I’m out of here. I have to clean off the DIRT I have all over myself. (starts wiping off the dirt)
You better sleep with one eye open Regan, I’m going to shave off your new micro bladed eyebrows.
Regan: Oh Goneril you wouldn’t!
(Regan runs away)
Goneril: Watch me Bit-
(Quickly flees towards Regan)
[Soliloquy]
Edmund: Uhhh wow, ok. Just leave me here that’s fine. But where do I go? Do I follow them? What a twisted set of sisters, now I understand why Cordelia left: she probably didn’t confess her love to her father because she knew she would be banished and wouldn’t live with her distorted sisters any longer. Touchè Cordelia, touchè…
Written by Victoria Androulakis
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