Igor was on the vaysay, washroom that is. Me and Svetlana were in the shop to get some mounch when a real old veck passed us. Older bourgeois type, viddy he thought he was a real horrorshow. Igor gooleyd out and had the great messel to follow the bugatty veck. He got into his car and closely behind we followed. Well Igor was right. You could viddy that the old veck was in the buggatties. My brothers, fun times are coming. Svetlana pulled some cancers out of her bloshy fur coat carman. Light up we did as we set for the veck’s domy.
Svetlana cloped on the door. The veck answered. Svetlana stepped in to the domy. Her nozh, knife that is, pressed against his throat. Me and Igor joined Svetlana. Igor, a bloshy malchick picked the veck up off the floor and brostatted him down on a chair. Svetlana went to viddy if the veck carried any rope. Us malchickwicks were in luck and tied his rookers and feet to the chair. Igor pulled the vecks gulliver way back by his luscious glory. Igor threw the chunks that yanked out to the floor.
“Who are you?” He said all shaky. “What do you want?”
I kneeled to be at the veck’s listo height. His upper goober was shaking when we put out the cancer on his arm. A tear left his old eye. My brother, it was a real horrorshow.
Out from behind Igor chreeched “Cutter!”
“What?” The old veck said confused.
My rooker was upon the old veck’s litso. Blood started to trickle from his goober, and Igor pulled his gulliver further. His rot was open wide and Svetlana pulled out two of his zoobies with pliers. She put them in my hand like bloody and all, and I put them right back in the rot. Swallow he did, those sharp zoobies will not be kind going down. Krovvy was spitting out his rot like rotten moloko.
“Money eh,” Svetlana said getting real close to the veck’s listo. She continued “you gloopy veck!” She chreeched.
Bloody spit covered her listo then. The nadmenny veck thought it was a good idea to do that. My brothers, sometimes spoons are just as good as a nohz. The bloshy spoon was in my rooker. Scoop. The spoon went to pull his like glazzballs out. His groans and moans were gromky, and he wouldn’t shut his filthy hole. The veck’s glazzballs hung down from the socket. Red tears started from his listo holes. Poured down like melted maslo. While the old veck puddled in his own sticky krovvy, Svetlana went upstairs to look for cutter. I looked near by for dorogoy veshches. Igor stayed with the veck, so he wouldn’t filly with us. Igor says he’s seen too many cines to know, chellovecks filly. So to fill the raz, Igor was fisting the veck’s listo. He moaned a lot when the krovvy spilled out.
Svetlana ittied down the stairs with a few shalagas, club that is, in hand. Passed em around. The veck’s messel of a domy was going to turn into a shalagas eegra. Who ever could vred the vecks domy gets to shlaga him to sleep. All us ittied around shlagaing every veshch in sight. I tolchocked the vecks windows. The Zvooks were nice and horrorshow. Igor gave the old boot-crush to the veck’s otchkies. With no glazzballs, the old veck wont need em.
“Us makchickiwicks did a horrorshow of a job.” I said to my brothers.
“We all deserve a crack at the old veck.” Igor said back.
The veck moaned faggy malenky. Svetlana nachinat first. Took her nohz and razrez through his brooko. The two zoobies fell out with the rest of the vecks keeshkas. I skvatted the like zoobies from the floor all krovvy and all. Stuck em right in the old vecks listo holes. Igor tolchocked. A oozhassny pop sprung from the vecks gulliver. Right behind the eyes. Must have tolchock the mozg, brain that it, for his creeches stopped.
All horrorshow fun was done: we left. Shvat all the dorogoy veshches and cutter we found. Out for pishcha we went. The nochy was still young. Much raz for fillying with shoot lewdies. My brothers, a horrorshow nochy awaits us.
Written by Sami Whittall